Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
