I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
