i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
