just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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