You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
