But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so let's talk penis.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
