eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
