I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dicks are not precious.
I need a beard to bite.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
