I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
