I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
