yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
