Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
