I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize