Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
