The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
