she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
