I feel great
I just peed on a car
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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