Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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