The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize