I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
