Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize