I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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