HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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