So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Nicole vs. Life
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
