Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
