yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
