bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
