Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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