I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
