I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize