Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
