I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
