I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
