she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
