I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Couch. On fire.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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