I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
