I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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