Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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