you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
