I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
