I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
