I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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