i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
