i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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