can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
