Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
