just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
