i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
