Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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