It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
