I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Bring me that man meat
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
