we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
