stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
