sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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