The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
