We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I believe in your delicious
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
