Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
