The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
