I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
