go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
