i permit you to call me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
