we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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