im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
