if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
