Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
