I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
