smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
