I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
