there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
