Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
