First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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