she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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