Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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