new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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