i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
