the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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