i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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