I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
