I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
