Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
