So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
