i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
