i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
