It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
