The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
