babies were throwing up all over the place
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
