Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize