he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
