why didn't you poke me back
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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