i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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