I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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